Baffled in Boston

Dear Sylvia:

I met the most wonderful girl a couple of months ago. My friends and I were at our local watering hole when a group of three women came in. Boy, were they hot! We were able to talk them into joining us, and had a great time. I got “Jane’s” phone number and made a date for the next day, which was Saturday.

That was the beginning. We’ve been going out regularly for a few weeks now. Although she’s a great kisser, we haven’t gone any further. She’s very old-school about sex and stuff. I’m making every effort to respect that, but it’s hard sometimes.

Jane gets along well with my parents, although my sister has been having trouble warming up to her. The dog won’t come to her either, but she’s not an animal person so that’s OK. Everything was going fine until the other day. I had gone out of the room and when I returned, Jane didn’t hear me come in. She had her back to me and she was scratching – like a guy. I stared for a second, and then cleared my throat. She straightened up so quickly I was afraid she’d give herself whiplash. She came over to me giggling and kissed me hard. It only took a minute to forget what I had seen.

Yesterday I get a call from one of my guy friends who swears he saw Jane (but she didn’t see him) at a concert he was at, only “Jane” was “John”!  I told him that it was impossible, and he must have been drunk or high. I was angry, but he was adamant that he recognized the face, even without makeup. We’re supposed to go away for the weekend and finally do “the nasty”. Now I’m scared to death. What if my friend is right? How could this happen?

Baffled in Boston

Dear Baffled:

Oh my, excuse me while I compose myself! This must be horrible and embarrassing for you. There is no delicate way to put this, but you may be dating a drag queen. Jane and her buddies probably came to the bar for the very purpose of hooking up with some guys and playing them along. Only you fell hook, line, and sinker and Jane decided to play along for a while.

Your sister sensed something amiss and so did your dog. Too bad you didn’t take them seriously. Kids (even kid sisters) and animals are good judges of character. This is probably the real reason you could not get past first base.

As creepy and unpleasant as this is, you are going to have to ask some difficult and awkward questions. I hope that you get the truth without having to have a show-and-tell session. If you go on the weekend trip without knowing, you may be in for a rude awakening.

Of course, there is always the possibility that this is all a big misunderstanding, and Jane is the girl of your dreams. What do you think? Yeah, me neither. I bet you won’t pick up a girl in a bar again.

I’m baffled, is she or isn’t she,

Sylvia

Originally published with Wellspring Collective.

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