Dumbstruck in Denver

Dear Sylvia:

This is sticky. Last night my husband and I were out having out monthly date night. I was a little frazzled because we were breaking in a new babysitter because our regular one wasn’t available. We finally got everything settled down and left for the restaurant. While we were sipping our drinks, we were trying to guess who our babysitter was dating. We knew she had a new guy, but she wasn’t talking. She is the daughter of one of my best friends. As we waited for our food to arrive, the conversation turned to my husband’s best friend who is going through a really messy divorce.

Our dinner arrived and we had just started to enjoy it when a couple was seated across the room from us. I didn’t pay attention at first, but upon second glance, my mouth fell open. I recognized the young woman – she was our babysitter. I couldn’t see her date because his back was to us. I told my husband to look that was our babysitter. He didn’t say anything but had a funny look on his face. Even though his back was to us, my husband recognized his best friend. No wonder she couldn’t sit for us.

What the heck do I tell my friend? Should I tell my friend? Her daughter is 18, but my husband’s friend is pushing 40! This is like a bad episode of Desperate Housewives. What do I say to the girl? Should we keep her as our babysitter? Should my husband say anything to his friend?

While I pondered these questions, my husband got up, went over and acknowledged their presence. That was awkward. I have no idea how to handle this. Should we say anything, or remain silent and let it play out?

Dumbstruck in Denver

Dear Dumbstruck:

Talk about your worse case scenario. You and your husband are sitting on a powder keg. I know your first instinct is to bust your friend’s daughter, and give your husband’s best friend a tongue-lashing. I can understand your righteous indignation; however, have they done anything illegal? No. Although your friend’s daughter is young, she is an adult, can see whomever she wants, and does not need anyone’s approval or permission.

Her mother may all ready know, and people do not always appreciate an informer. You do not want to rush to judgment, and please slap a gag order on yourself before you spill the juicy details to anyone. In time, your friend may come and talk to you about this situation. Do not fire the daughter. Good sitters are hard to find and, who knows, she may just open up to you.

Both of you have friendships on the line. Walk through this landmine delicately, and avoid the urge to tattle. Until you know more, observe and be ready to give support, if needed. Be the good friends you are.

Sometimes silence is golden,



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© Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thoughts Online, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thought Online with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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