His Mother Hates Me

Dear Sylvia:

My fiancé and I have been engaged for two and a half years. Our wedding is coming up in a few months. While I am excited about the wedding, I am also worried about my future mother-in-law. She doesn’t like me, and wastes little energy trying to hide it. She was never very friendly when we were just dating. When I would mention this to my fiancé, he would just laugh it off and say it’s just how his mom is. After we got engaged, her behavior became even more hostile.
I am so afraid that she will never like me. My fiancé, who still lives at home, is such a mama’s boy and caters to her every need. I know she depends on him because his father died several years ago, and he is her only child, but he never says anything when she is rude to me. I usually cut my visit short, and go home.
My family thinks I will be making a big mistake to marry this man, and my friends think I should just tell his mom what I think of her. I love my fiancé and want to spend my life with him, but I don’t want to constantly feel like I’m not good enough. What should I do?

Almost at the Altar in St. Louis

Dear Almost:

Why have you waited until the wedding is almost here to seek advice? It seems you were hoping that either your fiancé would fix the situation, or it would just go away. From what you are telling me, you need to reassess this relationship, and quickly. Your fiancé is still living at home. Will this be where you both will be living after the wedding? If so, for how long? He also does not take the conflict between his mother and you seriously. His mother may feel threatened by you because she’s afraid of being on her own. However, she might be one of those possessive mothers who don’t believe any woman is good enough for their son. Either way, the problem has to be addressed.

You are going to have to find your backbone, and have a heart-to-heart with your future mother-in-law. You cannot change people. You can only change yourself. When you change you, it forces others to change how they interact with you. When his mom is being rude, instead of running home, stay there. Then, looking her dead in the eye calmly let her know her comment was offensive, and unacceptable. When you do this enough, her behavior will begin to change. She may never love you, but she will respect you. You can live with that. The same thing needs to happen with your fiancé. When you become his wife, you move into the #1 spot. He needs to step up to the plate. Best wishes for your future!




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© Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thoughts Online, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thought Online with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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