Listening in Louisiana

Dear Sylvia:

I am 78 and I hope I’m not too old to write to you. My life has been full and I have loved the same man for 60 years. We have raised six children who have grown up to be compassionate and productive individuals and loving parents. We have lived in the same house for over 50 years and have seen neighbors come and go.

My husband and I have had a beautiful marriage with very little conflict. We worked together as a team to raise our family, each pitching in to help the other. Our children were taught manners and respect for their elders. They were good students in school and never gave us any problems. Today they are raising their kids with the same values.

So why am I writing you? After all these years of marriage, I know my husband loves me, but he never tells me. I bet it’s been decades since I heard those three words come out of his mouth unprompted. Some people may say it’s unimportant because he shows me that he loves me. This is true, he does. Still, there’s nothing like hearing the words, at least occasionally. I would love to hear them.

What do you think, Sylvia? Am I being silly?

Listening in Louisiana

Dear Listening:

You are never too old to write me, and you are not being silly. You have had quite a wonderful life and marriage. Sixty years is a long time to be together, and for you to have lived it in such harmony says so much. It lets us know that longevity in marriage is still possible. That is so encouraging when you consider the dismal statistics we hear about the divorce rate these days.

No matter how long you are with someone, and no matter how much his or her actions say it, there is nothing like hearing the actual words “I love you.” For some people, this is a very difficult thing to do, especially men. We women are the emotional ones and can easily say what is in our hearts. Sometimes, if a man grew up in a home where affection and term of endearment were not very often expressed, he will find it hard to express his feelings as well.

Try not to take it too personally. To have gotten this far, the two of you must have excellent communication. Use it now. Let him know how much it would mean to you to have him not just show you, but also tell you that he loves you. He may not even realize that he has not told you nor how much it means to you. Once he knows, look out because I am sure he will want to tell you all the time.

You are such an inspiration; I sincerely hope you have many more years together.

Best wishes,




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© Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thoughts Online, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thought Online with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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