Silent in New York

Dear Sylvia:

I was hesitant about writing to you because I know this is kind of a chick column, but I really need help and you give straight answers, so here goes.

There is a woman who lives in my apartment complex who caught my attention a few months ago. We smile and say hello in passing, but that’s about it. I haven’t seen her with a guy, so I don’t know if she’s seeing anyone. I’m dying to ask her out, but I can never seem to get the words out. I’ve never had this problem before, so why am I having it now? Did I mention that she is stunning? She also oozes self-confidence, and carries herself unlike any woman I’ve dated before.

My buddies are giving me a really hard time because they can’t believe I haven’t asked her out yet. My dad’s probably wondering if I’m gay, and my sister just shakes her head and rolls her eyes. I’m afraid if I don’t speak up soon and stay silent, I may lose out.

Please help me speak up.

Silent in New York

Dear Silent:

She must really be something! And no, this is not a “chick column”. Men are just not as open about their feelings or problems as women are. You mention that you’ve dated a lot. Since you do not mention any past long-term relationship, I’m going to assume your dating has been casual only. You have not said how old you are, but I’m guessing you are somewhere in your early thirty’s.

There are several reasons for your reaction. She’s beautiful, confident and independent, and this woman both excites you and frightens you. Unlike the others, she is different, and you see her as not just another one, she may just be the one. That would tongue-tie a lot of men and make them silent.

The next time you run into her, why don’t you introduce yourself, and extend your hand? That breaks the ice, and you can tell a lot by how she handled the handshake. Did she pull away quickly, or did she linger slightly. Did she smile? Was she happy to meet you? These can all be hints on how to proceed.

If you determine she is open to knowing you, you might ask her out for coffee, or lunch. Both are casual dates and non-threatening. Either you can pick her up, or you can meet somewhere. The fact that you are willing to takes things slow will put her at ease, and will remove a lot of the stress that comes with a first date for both of you.

Regardless of what you’ve heard, women still love gentlemen. Open her door, pull out her chair, and listen to what she has to say with genuine interest. Even in dating, first impressions are everything. If you are wise, and this turns into a long-term relationship, you will do these things all the time – not just on the first date.

Best of luck to you!

Sylvia

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© Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thoughts Online, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thought Online with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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