Tired of the Freeloader in Indiana

Dear Sylvia:

You know the saying about two being company and three being a crowd? Well, I’m experiencing the crowd part. My fiancé’s best friend has been the “third wheel” ever since we started dating. He’s with us on dates, spends weekends with us, and has even vacationed with us. He checks to see what time dinner is, and what we’re having on most evenings, and then shows up. Rarely does he ever pay for anything. It’s like he’s our kid.

While annoying, he’s kind of grown on me over the almost three years I’ve known him. The problem now is, we are getting married in six months and I really don’t want him moving in with us. We are going to be looking at apartments next week and he’s already cleared his schedule to go with us! I’m sure he wants to go to make sure we get an extra bedroom where he can stay.

Sylvia, I love the guy, but enough is enough. I’ve cooked his food, washed his clothes, and made him lunch for work. The only thing left is to walk him at night. I’ve tried to talk to my fiancé about it, but he just keeps saying he feels sorry for him because he’s lonely. I’ve suggested to my fiancé he should find a girl for him, but he never does.

Maybe we can rent a place that doesn’t allow pets…

Tired of the freeloader in Indiana

Dear Tired:

For all their macho toughness, guys have the hardest time saying “no”, especially to their friends. It’s that male bonding thing. However, your fiancé is going to have to find his backbone and have a heart-to-heart with his freeloading friend about getting a life. He needs to start weaning him from being with the two of you all the time. This is something he is going to have to do.  If you bring it up to his friend, it will cause problems between you and your fiancé. I guarantee it.

You need to stop discussing your plans in front of him. If he doesn’t know, he can’t tag along. Sometimes you and your fiancé can just meet somewhere after work, and have a romantic dinner alone. Hopefully he will start getting the message. If not, well, a bit of tough love may be in order.

Since you provide everything, next time you need something from the store, ask him to pick it up and don’t give him the money to buy it. When he brings it to you, tell him thank you but do not reimburse him. Again, hopefully he’s not brain-dead and will “get it.”

Talk to your fiancé and let him know how you feel. The two of you need to establish some ground rules and stick to them. When dealing with the friend, don’t be mean or angry, but firm. When you have kids, he would probably make a wonderful godfather.

If none of this works and you can’t escape him, consider entering the Witness Protection Program.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials,

Sylvia

 

 

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© Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thoughts Online, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sylvia Van Peebles and Sylvia's Thought Online with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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