Dear Sylvia:
Last week my boyfriend and I celebrated our eighth year together. Eight years, wow. It’s hard to believe. I was hoping for a ring this year, but none was forthcoming. I’ve hinted and hinted, but he never seems to catch on. We’re already like an old married couple, so I don’t see what the problem is. I already do everything a wife does. Why won’t he pop the question?
My dad says he is taking advantage of me; my brother wants to punch him in the face, and my mom just wants a grandchild before she is too old to enjoy it. I’ve watched several of my girlfriends get married, and have been in some of their weddings. I’m always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.
Should I break up with him, and start looking for someone else? I have eight years invested in this relationship. I don’t know what to do about this. Please tell me what I should do.
Tired of Waiting in Los Angeles
Dear Tired of Waiting:
Eight years in a relationship is a long time, especially when there is no sign of a forthcoming commitment. Your boyfriend may have thought about making a commitment at one point, but soon realized he did not have to. You have said that you already do everything a wife does. This was a huge mistake. By doing this, you took away any reason he had to kick your relationship status up a notch. Your friends were successful in getting to the altar because they made their conditions known early in the relationship.
Men do not pick up hints very well. You have to be vocal about your needs and desires. You should have communicated your feelings with your boyfriend from the beginning. He is not a mind reader. From your actions, I’m sure he assumed you were OK with things the way they were, and that was fine with him because it takes him off the hook. You have to realize your self-worth, and never let anyone undermine it or take it away.
At this point you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If he is receptive, but still non-committal, you need to set a time limit on how much longer you will wait. Then stick to it. Either he will meet your deadline, or release you to find someone who will value you, and give you the wedding ring you so deserve.
Sincerely,
Sylvia
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